Monday, 4 July 2016

Ranting about Game of Thrones: A Week of Irk and Ire - Jon Snow-Way Should He Be King

So, I promised you all a week dedicated to all my angry thoughts about Game of Thrones after the end of season and I fucking delivered. I've already spent a long time ranting to my friends and co-workers about the events that transpired this season but there a few massive points that I feel need reiterating here. Now, don't worry, there won't be any lengthy, petty rants about how Rickon was a fucking idiot to run in a straight line because, by this point, I'm starting to believe the kid's better off dead. I mean I'm sad that another Stark has bitten the dust but he was a fucking moron for not even trying to zig-zag. Who, after being captured by Ramsay Bolton and being set free, doesn't think "hmm, this is awfully convenient. I can't imagine anything going wrong in this scenario." I don't think I've ever screamed at an episode of television as much as I have during 'The Battle of the Bastards'. What a bunch of idiots. None more so, of course, than our new King in the North, Jon Snow.

Now, being upfront with you all, I've never had any warm and fuzzy feelings for Jon Snow. Obviously, having read the books, I've realised his importance but that doesn't make me like him. I mean Dany is obviously important but that doesn't stop her being an irritating fuck all the time. So yeah, knew he was destined for greatness but never believed he deserved it. For one thing, his fucking man ponytail has been the worst thing about season 6. I mean his hair has always looked shit but this takes the fucking cake. Then, let us not forget that Jon Snow has royally fucked up everything he's ever tried to do.

  1. He was desperate to join the Night's Watch and then instantly regretted his decision. He immediately made a ton of enemies and beat the shit out of many of his fellow wannabe brothers. Not a great start. 
  2. Almost as soon as he has said his vows Jon is ready to break them to join the fight with Robb. If it hadn't been for his friends, Jon would have been branded a deserter and killed... helping nobody fight anybody,
  3. (TV show only) Jon pisses off Crastor by not following the Old Bear's commands and gets the Night's Watch kicked out into the fucking cold. 
  4. Lets Ygritte go causing him and Qhorin to get captured. This leads to Jon having to pretend to turn traitor and kill Halfhand to prove it. Once again, Jon breaks his vows by succumbing to Ygritte's womanly wiles. Like a bloody idiot. 
  5. Leaves his post as Mormont's steward leaving him vulnerable to a murderous mutiny. Like a bloody idiot. 
  6. Becomes Commander of the Night's Watch, sends his only ally away and pisses off the rest of his brothers to the point that they all stab him repeatedly... to the death.
  7. (TV show only so far) Vows revenge of Ramsay Bolton for taking his home, kidnapping his brother and raping his sister. Fails to take any advice from aforementioned sister and walks straight into Ramsay's trap. Nearly gets himself and Tormund the Epic killed. Like a bloody idiot. 
  8. (TV show only so far) Somehow manages to get Winterfell back but, instead of keeping Ramsay alive for potential political leverage, he allows his sister to set starving dogs on him. No matter how justified it was it was a fucking stupid military move to kill your greatest prisoner.
  9. (TV show only so far) Becomes King of the North whilst failing to see the potential enemies he has in Sansa and Little Finger. Also, fails to have his main source of protection, a fucking Direwolf, with at all times. Like a bloody idiot.  
So, yeah, that's Jon Snow. As my old Graphic Design teacher once told me, "you have good ideas but lack the skill needed to carry them out". Jon desperately wants to live up to the kind of leader that his (believed) father was but he isn't anywhere near as great a man as Eddard. Yes, Ned was too trusting and didn't have a great idea of the game but he was also the kind of man that people rally behind. Jon isn't that kind of man. He focuses on doing what is right without thinking about the consequences of his actions. 

Even Robb, the last man to be named King of the North, was a great leader and was shrewd in terms of battle. Robb understood his enemies and managed to catch them all unawares. The only way the Lannister's could kill him was by doing something unimaginably evil with the help of the sadistic Bolton's. Robb Stark deserved the name King of the North because he showed great potential, understanding and had actual victories behind him. Jon's victories only come with the help of the slimiest man in the seven kingdoms. Not a great start. 

Jon is even more trusting than Ned was and is incredibly naive. If the Stark patriarch didn't understand the game of thrones then Jon definitely doesn't. It wasn't for nothing that Ygritte kept reminding us all "you know nothing, Jon Snow". He really doesn't. What are his plans now? Hold up in Winterfell and hope for the best. He must know there will be repercussions. He needs to get a plan and he needs to start listening to fucking Sansa. Without her the battle would have ended with everyone being killed. Jon needs to get her advice more often. 

The mark of a good King is realising your limitations and making up for them. Jon knew he didn't know Ramsay and he knew that he had a great resource in Sansa. Out of brotherly love or just ignorance he failed to utilise her and look what happened. On the battle field he let his emotions get the better of him and he rushed into a fight he was ill-prepared for. If he's got any chance of keeping Winterfell and earning his title then he needs to do a bit of boning up on battle strategy. I mean, who has a fucking Giant fighting for them and fails to provide him with any weapons or protection. That guy could have saved Rickon, stomped on Ramsay and ended the whole fucking battle himself. Instead, he's dead.

So, for all you people out there suggesting Jon Snow deserves to sit on the Iron Throne at the end of this or, at least, wed Dany when she does, I urge you to think again. I cried more when the Red Woman brought him back to life than I did when he "died". He's a fucking idiot who has too much of a temper. We don't need another ruler that lets his heart rule instead of his head. I get that people out there like his face but, looks aside, is this really the man you want protecting the Seven Kingdoms? Does he deserve it? Let's ask Wun Wun shall we... oh, wait, we can't.

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