Thursday, 29 October 2015

TBT - An American Werewolf in London (1981)

It's Halloween this week and, to be honest, I don't really give a fuck about this holiday. I've never really got it. The whole sexy costumes thing just confuses me. My favourite Halloween costume to date was my first year of uni when I went as Christine the demon car from the Stephen King novel. It was amazing, even if I do say so myself. I made a license plate, wore furry dice and taped torches to my legs as headlights. Fucking amazing. Now I'm not saying I hate Halloween because of my leanings towards homemade costumes. It's just that I lack the artistic skills to make it look like something that wasn't made by a fucking child. I'm all for any excuse to go out drinking but I dislike having to jump through certain fancy dress hoops to get there. I'd rather stay home and watch The Nightmare Before Christmas on repeat.

Monday, 26 October 2015

Confession of an English blogger

It's finally happened: I've succumbed to ennui. Work has been especially shitty at the moment thanks to various staffing issues and I've been under an increased amount of pressure. It means when I'm not there the only thing I want to do is lie in bed doing fuck all. Even reading is hard these days. I try to get a chapter in before bed and my eyelids are drooping after 1 bloody paragraph. It's making my 'never close a book in the middle of a chapter' really fucking hard to stick to. It also means the last thing I want to do after a busy day is find something to write about. I haven't been able to keep up to date with the latest films and, understandably, it's taking me so long to get through a book these days that I'm without topics for reviews. Thankfully I have an endless supply of things to rant about but no real energy with which to do it.

Thursday, 22 October 2015

TBT - Back to the Future Part II

So, it's official: the future is finally here. It's taken 26 fucking years but we've finally gone back to the future. For those of you not in the loop, yesterday was the day Marty and Doc travel forward to in the sequel to the much loved Back to Future. October 21st 2015 was supposed to be a time of hoverboards, flying cars, self-tying shoes and self-drying clothes. There has been a lot written in the past few weeks about how accurate these predictions were. People are going fucking mental because a few conicidences have meant that some things are kind of similar to the vision of the future depicted on film. It's really irritating. I mean let's not forget how many of them have only come about because it was dreamt up in 1989. Even Robert Zemeckis thought the future scenes were fucking stupid. Regardless, Back to the Future day is a good excuse to revisit an important and well-loved franchise. The first film is a favourite of most people and the third is just a fucking awesome romp in the old West. But what of that tricky middle child?

Monday, 19 October 2015

Trainwreck (2015)

I can't decide whether or not I like Amy Schumer. I know she's big fucking news at the moment and is supposedly changing the face of female comedy with every public appearance. I just don't think I can be bothered. Women making jokes about sex, drugs and the fucking awful aspects of being a woman is, quite frankly, old news at this point. She's just doing what a fuck ton of female comics are doing but is, for some reason, supposedly doing something really fucking noteworthy. Not to put her down, of course. She's really fucking funny and she's actually using her position to highlight some great points about sexual politics. She's ticks many a feminist checklist. However, I still don't see what supposedly makes her so fucking special. I don't see why everyone made such a massive deal about her cliche sounding rom-com. My friend was desperate for me to watch it with her but the trailer just wore me out. We've seen it all before. I could have made one of those Michelin I-Spy books for the rom-com tropes that were waiting for us.

Thursday, 15 October 2015

TBT - Mamma Mia! (2008)

I went to university in Lancaster with the Lake District basically on my doorstep. I love the Lakes and, as a steadfast Romanticist, should have spent every weekend exploring the part of the world beloved by William Wordsworth. As it happens, I only went there once because I was too fucking lazy and probably drunk. That one time I stayed one night at a campsite full of awful teenagers whilst sharing a three man tent with three of my flatmates. I got absolutely no sleep and, because I like in the UK, the second day was a complete fucking washout. Probably the reason I never ventured back that way. Anyway, the reason I bring it up now is because our trip's soundtrack was provided by the big Hollywood sensation that I'm about to discuss. As the only person in the car who hated the film, I was forced to listen to the great Meryl Streep and the almighty Bronhom murder ABBA songs for hours on end. I think the fact that I've watched the film so many times since is more than enough evidence of Stokholm syndrome.

Monday, 12 October 2015

Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate... to creativity?

Last night I attended Jay Rayner's (the Observer's food critic) discussion My Dining Hell at the Ilkley Literature Festival. It was a really good night and I can happily attest that he is as funny in person as he is in writing. The talk discussed our perverse obsession with negative reviews and that fucking awful compulsion we all have to take enjoyment from other people's tales of woe. You know, that same mentality that drives you to stare at a car-crash or laugh when people fall over. As a not-so-secret bitch at heart, I'm always guilty of having a chuckle when someone does something embarrassing in public despite the fact I'm really fucking clumsy. Humanity has moved to a point where we get bored hearing about people's happiness but can't get enough of their misfortunes. Basically we're all just terrible people.

Thursday, 8 October 2015

TBT - Mr Mom (1983)

Unfortunately, I've managed to contract the plague this week and have spent much of my day off feeling like shit and wallowing in self pity. Unable to focus on anything greater than trawling through Netflix looking for TBT ideas, I stumbled across some classic 1980s Michael Keaton. It should be well documented by now that I have a great love of Mr Keaton; particularly during the 80s. You know, when he was a young comic actor making slapstick comedies rather than depressing us with his attempts at feel-good Christmas films. The will 80s always be one of my favourite eras of cinema, despite the fact that most things look horribly dated by this point. This is mostly thanks to the time spent in my teenage years watching every John Hughes film I could and wishing I was Ally Sheedy. So it seems only natural that I'd love a film that combines the writing prowess of Hughes and the comic timing of Keaton. Right?

Monday, 5 October 2015

With great power comes short attention span.

I know most of my Doctor Who related posts mainly seem to revolve around my hatred of Steven Moffat for turning a beloved show into a steaming pile of shit. However, I'm about to turn this around. We're only three episodes into this latest series but I can honestly say it's my favourite since Moffat took over. Peter Capaldi's first season was pretty good but I didn't think he got the opportunity to be as great as he could be. There was a major highlight towards the end of the series when the Danny Pink love story (yeah, more like love bore-y ) ended and Missy proved that a female version of a male character is actually the best fucking idea ever. Does anyone know if Helen Mirren is still up for playing the Doctor? I think it's time.

Thursday, 1 October 2015

TBT - What Maisie Knew (2013)

Recently one of my closest work friends left the business and I was put in charge of his leaving collection. This is mostly down to the fact that I'm fucking awesome at buying people presents. I'd love to be modest here but it's the cold hard truth that I always find the perfect gift for any occasion. It's a blessing and a curse. Once again, when the time came to present him with my offerings it went down incredibly well. Considering that much of our interaction at work came down to quoting Alan Partridge I knew what I had to do. Amongst other random shit, I managed to track down an Alan Partridge blazer badge, Alan's big plate, some Kiss My Face brand soap and a chocolate orange with superficial damage to the box. Turns out there's a lot of great shit out there for any fan of Steve Coogan's most successful character.