Monday, 28 September 2015

My Little Monotony or: How I Learned to Start Worrying and Hate my Bookshelf

Something happened to me whilst I was reading Haruki Murakami's first novel Hear the Wind Sing recently. I was over halfway through the story when I suddenly realised that I was picturing the main female character as a traditional Hollywood beauty. You know the sort, blonde, thin aloof: in other words every single Sienna Miller character. I was on a train at the time and was so freaked out by my personal discovery that I stopped reading for the rest of the journey. Then, thanks to my endless neuroses, I then spent the rest of the day partly ashamed and partly annoyed with myself. It seemed disrespectful and narrow-minded that my brain was subconsciously changing the Japanese setting to a more familiar Western backdrop. What did it say about me as a reader and a person that I couldn't even imagine the novel as its writer had intended?

Thursday, 24 September 2015

TBT - Muriel's Wedding (1994)

Everywhere I look it seems as though people are getting engaged. Apparently, we live in an age where women of all ages and marital statuses have a fucking Pinterest wedding board. Am I missing something? I don't see the fuss. I'm sure when I was younger I did the whole pretend wedding thing but now I just think it's a little bit unnecessary. A lot of money for one day? My heart-rate has gone up just fucking thinking about it. I must be one of a minority that sees Don't Tell the Bride as the preferable way to organise your big day. No shopping for flowers, venues or the dress: fucking ideal. Hell, I'll wear PJs if need be. 

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Top 5 Literary Husbands

So I had every intention of writing a great and meaningful post for this week. However, my older sister royally fucked that up by getting engaged yesterday. I mean I'm happy and everything but I had to spend valuable writing time drinking champagne instead. So now it's half 11 on Monday night and I've only just started writing something. It's fucking ridiculous. I'm pretty much back to square one. That can only mean one thing: it's time for a lazy blog post. With marriage now on my radar, I've decided it's time to compile my top 5 list of male literary characters I'd be okay to settle down with. God knows it's about time I give this some thought. Pretty much every YA-focused book vlogger I've ever watched seems to be editing this list on a weekly, if not daily, basis. To be fair, they're lists mostly contain awful YA pretty boys I've never heard of or the awful men who wear breeches in classic novels. When will people learn, Mr Rochester and Heathcliffe are fucking creeps: not the kind of people you should aspire to marry. Anyway, just as some people don't feel comfortable until they have their zombie apocalypse plan in place (yawn), I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep until I sort this fucking list out. So without further ado...

Thursday, 17 September 2015

TBT - America's Sweethearts (2001)

My review of Station Eleven discussed my relationship with YA and the fact that I always come back for more knowing that, more often than not, I'm going to fucking hate it. I've pretty much accepted at this point that I'm an oft disappointed fool who's stubbornness will always be my undoing. It's a character trait that moves beyond the world of shitty books for teenagers/adults that never want to grow up. It's just as easy for me to lie to myself that the work of certain directors or actors that I know have a tendency to be fucking awful will actually turn out to be awesome. The most notable offenders are Woody Allen and the man I'm going to talk about today, John Cusack. Now I've been in love with John Cusack since I first saw Say Anything so I have this ridiculous notion that everything he stars in will be amazing. Unfortunately, this hypothesis is absolute bullshit.

Monday, 14 September 2015

Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel

I've hardly been hiding the fact that I'm not the biggest fan of YA fiction. Call me crazy but as a fucking adult I tend to prefer fiction that actually tries to challenge me. However, as I'm also the kind of fucking pathetic individual who is always swayed by popular opinion, I can't seem to stop giving it a go when a book proves popular enough. Back in 2014, George RR Martin, you've probably heard of him, gave Station Eleven his seal of approval so I figured 'why the fuck not'. Then, unsurprisingly, the book sat at the bottom of my TBR pile looking beautiful whilst I couldn't give a shit about opening it's pages. Until the day when my increasing guilt proved too much and I gave in. I'd just read a supposedly 'revolutionary' YA novel that was the biggest load of shit I'd ever read. It's safe to say my hopes about this one weren't high.

Thursday, 10 September 2015

TBT - Life After Beth (2014)

My last post, a much longer rant than I had anticipated, concerned the realms of creepy love. It's a worrying fact about society today that normal love stories are no longer enough to satisfy an audience's needs. It needs to be unusual and extremely over-the-top. It's an explanation for why the humble rom-com that kept Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in work for most of the 80s now only exists within hybrids with other genres. As time goes on these will only get fucking weirder but, for now, the supernatural romantic love story still seems to be exciting the type of pathetic people who think the latest popular YA sensation is the most romantic fucking story ever written. Hollywood knows where to place its bets and love stories featuring sexy versions of horror movies staples have been ten a penny in recent years. For the most part I'm okay with it if I can avoid it but, I have to admit, I'm a little about the potential popularity of the zombie romantic comedy (or zom-rom-com). I mean it seems to me that the moment young people start fantasising about having sex with dead people we could have a major fucking problem on our hands.

Monday, 7 September 2015

Because you know I'm all about that Snape. 'Bout that Snape... no I'm just kidding that guys a fucking creep.

For those of you out there paying attention, I've recently taken an impromptu month-long break from blogging. To be honest, I'd become a little jaded and incredibly fucking lazy regarding the writing of posts. I was out of good ideas and work was stressing me the fuck out so I just wasn't getting anything written in time. I'm hopeful that whilst I've been away I've managed to come up with a few subjects and have, in my usual big-headed way, got some grand ideas about adding more to my schedule. So, if nothing else, the past few weeks have seen me grow even more deluded than I was before. Yay! It's going to be fun seeing how long this 'can do' attitude lasts for. As I'm currently taking a holiday from work I'm guessing it'll be the second I get back to the daily grind. Adulthood is super fun, y'all.